The Lumberjack's Wife

Guess what has been recently brought to my attention? My new school will NOT have air conditioning.

!

Oh, the despair! Oh, the humanity! Oh, the drama that will be me the duration of the months of August, September, May, and June.

Me: David! I made the wrong choice! I should not have switched schools! You know how fussy I get when I am too hot! And then to be too hot and deal with the children?!

Yes. I spoke this to David who for most of his life had to work outdoors in all weather conditions. And I spoke those words certain he would feel so sad for me.

***

Well. We hit 26 years as married people! And we did it in style-on a cruise!

This time, we did not take the children, but my parents did join us and fun was had by all!

***

For the second summer in a row, Hadley has worked at a fishing lodge in Alaska. She talked Yesi into joining her and then a couple of weeks later, Carson was also offered a job. So I have two children and a daughter in law all working in Alaska all summer and not spending any time with me at the river. Such sadness. We got a picture of them all in a van on their way to church together.

Let us pause and be impressed that I put smiley faces on the people that weren’t my kin. Because they don’t know me too well and how do I know if they want their picture on a blog called The Lumberjack’s Wife written by a gal who isn’t related to any lumberjacks?

Anyways. We miss them.

***

David 0

Ground Squirrels: 75

Oh! Have I not told you? David has waged a full on war with some sort of creature that we choose to call a ground squirrel. We honestly don’t know what it is. But these things have a whole tunnel system throughout our lands and they steal the meager bounty from our garden and last year they slaughtered several of my newly hatched chicks.

David keeps trying to shoot them-and don’t judge us for shooting things. We live on a farm in the middle of nowhere. It’s like the wild west out here. It just happens. It’s fine.

He tries to shoot them, but he cannot seem to shoot them. And, oh, how it is vexing him! And then I add fuel to the fire by texting him photos of the little beasts as I see them throughout the day, because do you think I am going to fire a gun?

The other night, he was late coming in for dinner so I went to go fetch him and this is what I saw:

I think he is slowly losing his mind.

But we have good news! We were able to finally harvest some strawberries before the ground squirrels ate them!

It was a very exciting moment for us.

David and I have been battling our lands since 2010 trying to grow things. We have conquered the lack of water, no water, and orange water. For every actual plant we have grown, we have grown 274,000 weeds along with it. We are never very successful, yet we persevere.

Now, take my parents. They don’t care. They don’t try. They moved to their place and it had a small raspberry bush and now they are basically raspberry farmers. My dad gets annoyed and chops them and tries to get rid of them, yet they are up to their eyeballs in raspberries. I was over the other day and mom says,

“Oh! Did I tell you? We have strawberries now!”

And, reader. I looked at her with disdain. Actual disdain. Because upon further examination, it looks like the neighbor who lives on the other side of the fence grows strawberries and her strawberries have spread under the fence and given my parents a very nice, healthy strawberry patch. And they didn’t even have to hunt people down on marketplace and drive miles upon miles to take peoples strawberries starts and dig and transplant and water and weed and care.

They just came. And they bore fruit. With nary a ground squirrel in sight.

***

With Yesi and Carson in Alaska, I have Norman back, and let me tell you, these three dogs love me.

And the feeling is mutual, my friends. And even though I cannot get my children to join me much at the river, these three are always game.

***

While we were on our cruise, Eliza Jane gave birth to strapping baby boy!

A little colt! And I want to love him, but he runs away from me and is not interested in meeting my acquaintance.

Me: David! Because I have read “Farmer Boy” a gazillion times, I am so ready for this. I know that it is important not to spoil a young colt and to treat it gently and to be very careful with it!

David:

Me: Almanzo’s father would be proud of me. Father was known through the county for his fine horses you know.

David: This is great. You are using a fiction book to learn how to train a colt.

Me: I would hardly call it fiction! It is about their actual lives!

We haven’t named it yet, but I kind of already did. Since mama is Eliza Jane, I was thinking Almanzo, but to call him Manly, which was Laura’s nickname for him.

And I will love him forever. Or until David makes us sell him.

If the ground squirrels dare try to mess with Manly, I will probably have to learn how to shoot a gun.

Happy Monday!

Last November, David bought himself a horse. He fancied a well-trained ranch horse that could assist him with things such as, but not limited to: checking his herd, lassoing calves, castrating calves, tagging calves, sorting cattle and avoiding interior house design remodel projects his wife dreams of.

So. He bought a horse. The horse was a girl . . . a mare, if you will. She needed a bit more training, and he found someone who could train her. He asked me if I would like to go with him, and here were the details I was given:

*The horse would be gone for at least a month.

*This would be costing money.

*We would need to take the horse to the trainer-over two hours away.

*He did not know when she would get picked up.

*I could get a complimentary latte if I went with him.

So, we loaded the horse, who was yet to be named, and started the trek to this horse trainer, lattes in hand.

When we arrived, I was a tad confused, seeing as how there was no home or shelter-for man or horse. The trainer-let’s call him “Rusty” greeted us and I quickly ascertained he was pleased to meet our acquaintance. He just rapid fired a whole bunch of statements at us.

“I hope she is your sister!” (?)

“Wow! Are you two Native Americans, or are you just really tan?” (We were neither. It was November)

“Dave! Do you like polo? You look like a guy who likes polo. I am starting a team. You in?”

“I don’t let the grass grow too long under my feet. If you know what I mean.”

“You get me, Dave. I can tell. Not many people get me.”

“Dave! I got a new weed eating tool! Wanna see?”

I would like you to all understand that this is the first time David has ever met this person. And as we followed Rusty to join him in his admiration of the weed eating tool, I asked David where on earth he found this guy?

His answer?

Facebook Marketplace.

Seems like a red flag to me.

Rusty was very excited about his weed eating tool, but he could not figure out how to work it. I could tell it was new because it still had the tags on it. Now, this may have been Rusty’s first experience with David Maliblahblah, but it sure wasn’t mine and I knew that my David could figure out a weed eating tool like nobody’s business. And I was right. David demonstrated to Rusty just how he could use the weed eating tool with ease. Because David is all that is man.

Rusty and I were both equally impressed.

Please be aware that our poor horse has never even made it out of her trailer at this point. So we suggested we backtrack and go get the horse. On our way, Rusty found a lone beer can in the grass. He picked it up. He offered it to us. We declined. He drank the beer.

As soon as David unloaded the horse, Rusty became all thrilled-like and shouted, “Woo! That horse just tripled my property value!”

Seemed like a red flag.

In fairness to all, the mare was a total beaut. David had been struggling with a name and was trying to decide between Nora and Annie. He had decided it could wait, but Rusty insisted the horse be named right then.

Reader. There is an unsavory truth I must tell you about David.

He has gotten old and can no longer hear well.

David: What?

Me: He wants you to name the horse!

David: Huh?

Me: You need to pick a name! NAME THE HORSE!

David: Oh, ok. Nora.

Me to Rusty: The horse’s name is Nora.

Rusty: Nope. That’s not her name try again.

Me: Ok. How about Annie?

Rusty: Oh, that’ll do nicely!

And for the remainder of our time with Rusty, he referred to the horse as Annie. That will be important later on.

David and Rusty got right to work on talking about all things horse. I got distracted by the world’s cutest puppy. Rusty told me, “She got kicked real bad in the head by a horse yesterday. She’s not quite right today.”

Which seemed like a red flag.

As the men were talking horse talk, I was taking a gander at Nora/Annie’s new housing situation.

Here is what I noticed:

*No shelter.

*One very full truck bed that maybe contained a bed for Rusty.

*A corral.

*A horse tied to said corral.

*A goat tied to a tree.

*A stand alone bathtub near a creek.

*A recliner chair facing the creek.

*The remains of one beer can.

*One very nice weed eater tool that was now able to be properly used thanks to my husband.

*A cute puppy who was not right in the head.

After some time, David was wrapping things up and we loaded in the truck and started to drive away.

Me: David! Where will she live? Where does he live? Is that where he lives?

David: I don’t know

Me: DAVID. Are you sure she is safe? Should you leave her with him? Do you think the goat feels safe?

David: I don’t know. Hey, did you noticed he kept calling her Annie even after I named her Nora?

Me: Yeah! He told you he didn’t like Nora. He renamed her. She is now Annie. How did you miss that?

David: Oh.

Me: DAVID. IS SHE SAFE? SHOULD WE LEAVE HER WITH A SAFETY WHISTLE?

David; I don’t know.

****

Fast forward about a month later. Rusty calls David and tells him Annie is not the horse for him. But he has another horse, an even better horse, and he will deliver her on Christmas Day.

And Annie was never seen from or heard of again.

Which seems like a red flag to me.

On Christmas Day, David got his horse. She was also a beaut, but now David was back to square one with naming.

Carson’s wife, Yesi, is very good with horses. Soon after we got this horse, she, David, and Carson decided to try out the horse and she got bucked off.

Which seemed like something a trained horse shouldn’t do. But what do I know?

And then there were weeks where David would spend an hour each afternoon just trying to get her to come to him.

Which seemed like something a trained horse should do. You know. Come? I don’t know.

So David started to feed her sugar cubes to lure her to him.

Me: You should name her Eliza Jane. Because she doesn’t care what anyone tells her. She’s not gonna let anyone boss her around. Just like Almanzo’s big, know-it-all sister in Farmer Boy.

So she was named Eliza Jane.

Eliza Jane has grown on us, but we are not sure she is exactly the trained horse David thought he was getting.

Me: David! Did you get rolled?

David: I think I did.

David has decided he needs to get a second horse. I know, I know. He has a problem. It’s gone too far, I cannot fix him. For some reason, he is telling people he needs to get a horse for me.

Me.

I would like the records to show that I have no desire to sit atop a horse. I don’t mind looking at horses. I don’t mind petting horses. I mean them no ill-will. But riding them?

Not for me.

Oh, my teacher friends get such delight out of this vision of David’s. We imagine David fancies that we will get home from work after our respective jobs, saddle up our horses, and check our lands and cattle on horseback together. This must be what empty-nesters do.

Sadly, he has yet to find the horse for me. He has not given up hope.

A couple of weeks ago, the farrier came to take care of Eliza Jane’s feet and the first thing he said to David was:

“Oh! That’s a pregnant horse!”

Me: David! Is Eliza Jane pregnant!?

David: I have no idea.

Me: Did Rusty tell you there was a chance she was pregnant when she came here on Christmas Day?

David: He did not.

Me: David! Did you get rolled?

David: Maybe.

Me: DAVID! The baby! The baby can be my horse! You can stop your searching. I will love the baby. That one will be mine.

David:

Me:

David:

Me: This is so exciting!

****

Happy Sunday!

Colton, also known as LD, will be turning 18 this week. He graduated from high school and let’s just talk about this guy for a bit, shall we?

I know. He has a mustache. It can’t be helped.

LD is focused on mainly two things:

His girlfriend.

His business.

HD and LD used to be in “business” together, but LD bought out HD and he is now doing it on his own. He does odd jobs, yard work, etc and works hours on end.

Because his focus is on those two priorities, he is not super focused on anything else. Ever. At all.

LD: Mom, did the registration for my truck come?

Me: It has been on the counter for days.

LD: Don’t see it.

And LD won’t see it until I walk him to the counter and point it out to him.

School and homework were not a priority at all. He got decent grades, surprisingly enough, but bro just did not care. As a result, I would get emails about missing assignments or phone calls from school last minute asking if he had permission to leave campus . . . even though the school had given him a permission slip days ago for me to sign.

In fact, I almost felt it was like his final send off when on his second to last day of school he called me as I was trying to corral 25 first graders and said-

MOM. I NEED YOU TO GIVE VERBAL PERMISSION TO THE PRINCIPAL FOR ME TO GO WITH MY CLASS TO GET COFFEE.

Apparently, I will miss these days?

Graduation Day.

The ceremony was at 1pm. He left separately and David and I reminded him to make sure he had everything he needed. At 12:30, I got a call from him.

LD: Mom, I don’t have my tassels.

Me: Dude.

LD: I know. I thought they were in my locker, but they are not. I need you to go to Michaels.

Me: Is Michaels going to have them?

LD: I looked online and they do.

Yesi, Carson’s wife (yes, more on that in a moment), was with me and we ran to Michaels only to be told that of course they don’t carry tassels. I texted LD to say that I am sorry I cannot find them and he will have to walk without only for him to text back

“np. a teacher found some.”

Ugh.

But he graduated. It is done. It is finished.

Sadly, the girls could not join us. Hadley is working in Alaska and Kate was a bridesmaid in her friend’s wedding.

Me (texting): Colton. I need you to write Thank You cards for your graduation gifts. I bought you cards. They are in a box on the counter.

LD(texting): Sorry, can’t find them. Need to leave.

Me (texting): Nope. Stay right where you are.

I got home and walked in the house and pointed to the only box on the counter.

Me: Open it.

LD: Oh! Cool!

Me: Write 5 a day.

LD: Got it!

A bit later, he hands me five cards, no envelopes.

Me: No, you can put them in envelopes.

LD: I don’t have envelopes.

Me: The cards came with envelopes.

LD: No, they did not.

Me: Open the box. Lift up the cards.

LD: Cool! Envelopes! I didn’t know cards came with envelopes!

Me: It’s pretty standard, bud.

Let us all be glad he has a high school diploma.

***

Yes. HD is married! Absolute craziness.

HD is much more organized than LD and there were no last minute shenanigans or stressors on his wedding day.

Everything went well and it has been fun seeing him and Yesi in this new stage of life.

***

Let’s talk about First Grade.

I wrapped up another year. I love first grade.

Long time readers might remember, but there is a school much closer to home. We started there and I did a long term sub job in sixth grade and then taught a year of kindergarten before switching to a different district because that is what we needed to do for our kids at that time. I have loved working at the school I have been at and was extremely happy there for the past 11 years. However, as this year was drawing to an end, opportunities came to light and I felt led to apply for a first grade position at the school close to home. I interviewed and was offered the job, but I took some time to consider it all.

And, oh the drama that was me. The ddddrrrraaaammmmaaaa.

The crying.

The going back and forth with trying to decide and wondering what would be best and comparing and crying and asking questions and worrying and crying and being the most extra ever.

And crying.

Poor David did not know what to do with me. He walked around with his eyebrows locked in the upright position for days on end.

Ultimately, I felt that God was telling me it was time to go back to the local, smaller school. So these past few weeks have been filled with packing (and crying) and goodbyes (and crying) and all the changes and adjustments I really wasn’t planning on making. And crying.

But here I am. With my classroom in my basement and wondering what in the world I just did. And all four of my kids are now grown and done with school. And I am about to turn 45. And I would also like everyone to really understand the absolute river of tears I have shed.

So, I am embarking on a new adventure and I am really nervous about it all.

I hope to write more frequently.

Before I go, please enjoy this picture of the dogs at the river and Kate in the background in a hammock.

Kate is almost finished with her first year of med school and never gets to relax.

Happy Wednesday!

When last we spoke, there was a calf dying in my basement on the eve of my formal observations for teaching.

Reader. I regret to inform you that around 2am, David and I were awakened by the sound of Oliver making some noises and so we got up and then he promptly died. So that was a bummer and, no, I never went back to sleep.

The school day went well and the observations went fine, but that evening, David brought another calf into our house to die in the basement. And no, of course he is not bringing them to “die.” He is bringing them in to save them, but, well, sometimes they die.

This one was all black and in the morning, he was a little more lively than we would have thought, so Colton and I moved him into the bathtub.

Why?

I don’t know. Why not?

It was at this time I decided to call him, “Tubby Buddy.”

Tubby buddy wasn’t super interested in bottle feeding. Each morning around 3am and each evening around 5pm, David and I would try, but he wasn’t having it. So, David would tube feed him while I held him tight, closed my eyes, and prayed that he was shoving the tube down the correct pipe.

Can you imagine if we filled his lungs with milk?

The horror.

He lived in our tub from Wednesday until Friday night.

We then tried to reunite him with his mother, but it wasn’t working. He finally started to take a bottle and we sold him. So, hey! We saved one!

My first graders enjoy hearing stories about the cows and calves. After telling my students about Tubby Buddy, I found this drawing of a calf in a shower on a student’s math quiz.

And I have noticed one of my boys draws our cattle brand on his papers.  

Life has been plugging along. Carson (HD) is getting married in less than 2 weeks! Crazy! And exactly one week ago, our well ran dry.

Yup. That’s right. Dry.

So, we are waiting for answers on that and meanwhile, David has set up our trailer for showers and we have a plan for dishes and drinking water. And my wonderful mom has been washing our laundry for us. Colton (LD) takes dirty laundry to her and picks it up freshly washed.

Such service!

Just the other morning I packed a huge dirty load for him to take to her and after he left with it, I thought about its contents. And you see, dear reader, one night we had a newborn calf born during a torrential rainpour.

At first we were excited about the rain because we have no water and we have a bunch of cows to water. But then a calf was born.

David took a towel out to dry off the new calf and stuck it in the dirty laundry. This is a normal happenstance for myself and I think nothing of it, but I began to think about my parents and how they live in town and have never dealt with farm animals. So here’s how that conversation went.

Me: Mom! There is an atrocious towel in the laundry pile. It was not used by humans! David used it to dry off a newborn calf.

Mom:

Me:

Mom: So . . . bleach?

Me: Sure.

Isn’t she great? I should get her a gift card or something.

Life without water is not easy. These are trying times, my friends. But what can you do? At least I have a David. David makes things happen. He has ideas. He has solutions! He is a real problem solver. So much so, that one night, when David looked stressed, I said to him:

“You know what you need? You need a David in your life!”

***

Colton, our last baby, had his last basketball game ever. His team made it to the championships and took second place. His girlfriend’s team also made it to the championships and took second.

And that is officially a wrap for the Maliblahblah family and basketball seasons.

***

We just finished “The Tale of Despereaux” in the fabulous first grade. Have you read this book yet, Reader? If not-why not? It is truly the best. We had our soup, which is Campbell’s condensed chicken noodle, and here are a few of the comments I received:

“This is the best day ever.”

“This is the best soup I have ever had.”

“It’s like we are in the story!”

We have a time during the school day called “interventions.” Every day for about 20 minutes I work with the same two boys. These boys are sssstttrrruuuugggllliiinnnggg readers. Every day we read the same two texts. We start on Monday and finish on Thursday. Today was Thursday, the 4th day of these texts.

One boy cannot and will not read “they.” He says then every time. Every day. Every time. The word shows up in both texts several times, and we still cannot get it. During the last 5 minutes today, he finally read it. We were all three shocked and the other boy high fives him. It was all very exciting.

The last sentence of the last book reads: It was a success.

It is the same last sentence every day. And every day we struggle with “success.”

Today was no exception.

Me: Ok. Let’s read the first syllable.

Student: s-u-c . . . suc

Me: Yes. And now the second syllable . . . remember soft c.

Student sounds out sounds and works it all out and then triumphantly looks at me and the other student proudly and with more confidence than he should and proclaims the word to be:

“Suckfest.”

Other student confirms this is accurate and high fives him.

I have to bring them down from the clouds and say no. It was not a suckfest. It was a success.

Happy Thursday!

It is calving season over here, aka, Best Season Ever.

On Saturday, two heifer calves were born and all was well and right with the world. And then we noticed this gal, Daisy, running around like a lunatic in the middle of giving birth.

This was worrisome because:

A) She had gotten into the wrong field. Long story. Just accept it.

B) According to our records, it was too early.

However, she gave birth to a strapping young bull calf and all was well and right with the world.

And plus he had a matchy-matchy face! I mean. Come on.

I named him Oliver. It suits him.

Well, that was Saturday.

Sunday.

Sunday was a busy day with church and chores and also I have a lot of teacher stress going on at the moment. On Tuesday, which is now tomorrow, I have two formal observations with admin, who decided to invite some friends, and also a university student is observing me for most of the morning, and also a parent meeting got scheduled during my prep time. So Tuesday is going to be a lot. And Sunday was going to be the day to prepare and clean and get ready for the week.

But Oliver decided to go missing.

And so we searched. We searched everywhere. We spent a total of about 3 hours looking for him. And his mother? No clue where he was. Running around like a banshee with a full udder mooing and wailing for her baby.

Me, yelling at her: WHERE IS YOUR BABY?

Her:

Me: WELL?

Her:

Anyways. I enlisted the help of Niko and we looked until I was just about to give up.

Niko and I met up with David and we decided to go down the steepest part of our property and through the barbed wire fence into some brush.

And David found him!

Check out David’s hat.

That’s our cattle brand.

Oh! I am sorry! Do you NOT have your own cattle brand? I thought everyone did.

Anyways.

First, we had to pause and catch our breath at the barbed wire fence Oliver managed to get through.

In order to be the hero that we all know he is, David had to carry this calf on his shoulders up the steep part of our property all the way up to his lunatic mother.

And I had to get some snuggles in because his mama wasn’t around to forbid it.

And then we had to traverse up the steep terrain. And I had to just get myself up the hill, which was a lot to ask of me. And David had to do so with a calf on his shoulders and a Niko trying to jump up and nip the calf.

David. Hero.

We were able to reunite Oliver with his mother, and she played the part of an ungrateful brat.

And all was well. Or so we thought.

Monday. Today.

David got home before I did and checked on things and look at what I came home to:

A dying Oliver laying on the blanket on the floor of my basement.

You may ask, “Taylor!? What is wrong with Oliver?”

And I will answer, “Heck if I know.”

But here we are. And what will tomorrow bring? Tomorrow-the most stressful day ever for me, and David with his full time job, and no one around? And while I was pondering all of these things in my heart, I had a flashback to the day of my spring formal observation last year.

Last Spring, we had a calf who we named Clyde. We had to start caring for him because he had the worst mother ever. She’s definitely hamburger now. Sorry. Truth hurts.

Anyways. Clyde took a turn for the worse and David brought him into the house and put him in the wood box, because, why not?

Colton (LD) had the least pressing schedule that day, so he was elected to stay home and care for Clyde.

I had my doubts about our election when Colton came up the stairs to announce Clyde had died, but when I went back down, he was totally still alive.

I mean, he didn’t look well. He was dyING, but had had not yet died.

Anyways.

I went to school to perform my observation (yes, I said perform) (if you are a teacher, you know) and was not able to look at my phone for awhile.

Reader. While I was living the life of a showgirl in my classroom (again. you have to be teacher to understand), Colton determined Clyde was dead and added him to a burn pile.

!

Anyways. Back to present day.

I cannot miss work tomorrow. What will happen to Oliver? I am definitely not allowing Mr. Burn Pile to be in charge of that sweet face.

I am stressed.

That is all.

Keep Oliver in your thoughts and prayers.

Why, yes, hi, hello! It has been quite a bit of time since I last posted, so let’s catch you all up. And then we shall get to some stories.

Updates:

1. Kate (22) was accepted into medical school and started last July. She is working hard and loving it! She is with her best pal, Nokona and not too far from home.

2. Hadley, 21, spent the summer having an adventure while working in Alaska. She met a b-o-y there.

3. And then there is Handsome Dude. And have I said his name yet? It is probably fine now. His name is Carson and he is 18. He graduated from high school AND finished lineman school AND got engaged. Phew! He became a man. How did THAT happen?

4. And lastly, but not leastly, Little Dude. Who is actually Colton. He is 17 and graduating from high school this year! He has like an actual mustache. I shudder.

5. David and I hit 25 years. If you can believe such a thing. He is still being an electrician/rancher/cowboy and I am still being a first grade teacher.

For Christmas this year, we took the kids and a few guests on a cruise! We brought along Hadley’s boyfriend, Gunnar, Carson’s fiance, Yesi, and Colton’s girlfriend, Belle.

One of our ports was in Cabo and we signed up for a chartered fishing trip. We, and by we I mean mostly the strangers we paid and then also a bit of muscle from David, caught a swordfish.

As it was being reeled in, Gunnar looked at me and said, “I don’t know if you want to stick around for this part. It’s about to get super western over here.”

And then he pointed to a club. Because I guess the swordfish had to be beaten to death? Things I didn’t need to know or participate in, but I digress. I had to get behind the battered swordfish for a photo where I loudly proclaimed that I was going to FLIP OUT if any part of the swordfish touched me at all.

Cabo is simply beautiful! We had a wonderful day enjoying the water and sunshine. We saw whales, sea lions, and dolphins. Dolphins were swimming all alongside our boat!

Kate: Colton! Look! They are so cute. They look like they are having the best time!

Colton: Yes! They are very playful creatures!

While we were in Cabo, we had a gal from our church house-sitting for us. I was already a nervous wreck because Norman had recently had stitches and was in a cone and the whole situation was not going well.

First of all, I love my dogs too much. It is a problem. And I fret and worry and fuss and this poor house sitter was probably so over me and I actually had the audacity to ask her to text a picture of his wound to the vet to make sure it was healing correctly.

This is 44.

So, while we were gone, our area was hit with a pretty massive windstorm. And when we were all done with our fishing excursion, I was updated by the house sitter on the state of our house.

First, we had no power.

Next, a tree in front of our garden fell down, took out a whole section of the garden fencing, landed across David’s truck, AND took out one of my prized peonies!

I should not state falsehoods. My peonies have never won any prizes. They are prized because they lived and most other things die at my hands.

But! Look at the truck!

Bummer.

It is fitting, though. Because we use that truck for like 4 months and then have to drop 10 grand into it. It is a crazy cycle that David loves to be on.

And then-we have a fenced in dog yard. We sprung for gigantic 8 feet high iron fencing to keep our crazy dogs in. Well, two trees went down in that yard and took out a few of the fence sections.

But, good news! Norman’s leg was healing just fine and he did not need an extra trip to the vet!

There was not much we could do about any of this, and the house sitter was great and making sure Dana and animals were good to go, so we just tried to continue to enjoy the vacation.

But then.

BUT THEN.

We got another message. All of our sewage/gray water was backing up into the house.

The house.

THE HOUSE!

Imagine being on a Carnival cruise ship at dinner being like, why yes, I will try the frog legs, and getting that message. And, no, I did not get the frog legs. But Hadley did.

So that was stressful and David and Carson turned into Negative Nellies on steroids and were like-

Oh, well the whole basement flooring is going to need to get ripped out.

And.

Oh, well all the trim is now trashed.

Reader. We started this remodel in January of 2022. And while we were on this trip the last bit of trim was getting painted in the basement and it was finally going to be FINISHED (minus two rooms, but we won’t get into that right now. Only happy thoughts for today).

So, I was all sorts of upset and trying not to panic while eating my Carnival Chocolate Melting Cake. And we didn’t know why the sewage was backing up and what it was going to be like when we got home and would David be able to fix it and blah blah blah blah.

But we got home, and our house sitter had cleaned it up so beautifully and David fixed it (easy fix!) and we don’t think we need to rip everything out. And yes, of course, we gave the house sitter and extra trip, because, gross.

We returned home and we started the clean up. David had to work on Monday, but I am on Christmas break (teaching. do it.) (just kidding. it’s hard)

David’s parents, who are in their 70’s insisted on coming to help with tree clean up. David tried to talk them out of it, but they would hear none of it. David and the boys were all working so it was just me and them.

Me to my father in law: Well. We are like the “C” team.

Father in law: What? I don’t understand? Colton and Carson should be on the “C” team because their names both start with a “C.”

My father in law starting chainsawing right away and he is fresh out of knee replacement surgery. Total boss.

My mother in law and I were trying to get a burn pile going.

MIL: I have some paper and matches in the truck.

Me: Ok. Well, I know where our propane torch is.

MIL: Let me get our stuff.

And I kid you not, reader, my fantastic mother in law went and got an aim and flame and like 7 paper napkins from Wendy’s from her glove compartment. Bless her heart.

I did go and get the propane torch as well. Because I am a total Maliblahblah now.

Towards the end, my FIL was telling my MIL and I how he was going to climb up on a ladder with the chainsaw and finish off the tree that was high centered on a fence panel. MIL and I talked him into a lunch break instead and we waited for Colton to get home. Colton was to be on said ladder with the chainsaw while FIL got to be the boss of him.

Ok! That’s all for today! I am hoping to be able to post more this coming year. We shall see!

Merry Christmas!

Tell me you didn’t listen to your teacher during the math lesson without telling me you didn’t listen to your teacher during the math lesson.

When last we spoke, I was going to tell you all about the big family cruise my mother treated us to, and, once again, time has gotten away from me.

So. Here are a few photos from that fun family trip . . .

When we were in Cabo, we were taking a little boat tour when out of nowhere, a stingray leapt from the waters and landed in our vessel.

I did not think anyone would believe me, so I captured it on film.

The most bestest part was that HD got extra close to the man next to him. And check out Kate’s toes/sandals situation.

HD to the stranger: So. Have you ever had a guy jump in your lap before?

Stranger: No. Honestly, I have not.

David and the captain of the boat each grabbed a towel and flung the stingray back into the ocean.

*********

Before we left sunny southern California, we went and visited one of LD’s favorite places-

He’s a fan.

****

Life is busy. I am again teaching first grade, and I still love it. It is, however, exhausting, and I do not know how long I can keep it up. We are in the midst of a remodel so that is always fun. HD is a senior, LD is a junior, Hadley is working in Montana, and Kate is working and applying to get into med school.

Today, we all helped David with some cow chores. At the end, David wanted to try his hand (get it) at pregnancy checking.

I snapped a photo. Because I am who I am.

David’s first pregnancy check.

Kate gets all geeked out about this stuff right now and wanted to try next.

“Is it cool inside there, Dad?”

Happy Sunday!

Our oldest daughter, Kate, graduated with her bachelor’s in biology in May. David, Hadley, myself, and all four grandparents flew to Kansas to watch her walk across the stage and get her diploma.

P.S.-check out David’s hat. That is our cattle brand! The kids had it made for him.

It was a very quick trip to Kansas to see her get that diploma. All the elders of our family were extremely excited to find a small town cafe near her college that sold coffee for 95 cents a cup!

It was very exciting.

Here is David stuck between the two grandpas-wishing he chose a better seat at breakfast.

Kate is taking a year off from school to study for her MCAP and get ready for medical school.

Hadley, now 20, is living with David’s brother, Alex, and his family for the summer and possibly longer. She is working for a landscape company and saving up money while she tries to decide what she wants to do. So, we are missing her. She is a good 5-6 hours away from us right now.

The boys are working like crazy. Word has spread quickly throughout our community and they are in high demand for work of all kinds that is outside and requires muscle and energy. They leave the house most days around 5:45 am and return around 3pm. It is at that time that they would like first dinner. Then they head out again to do their lawn mowing business and don’t get home until 7-8pm, which is when they would like second dinner.

I am spending my summer cleaning, doing laundry, reading, making food for the ravenous workers, playing with my dogs, and wondering what happened to the days of loading up towels and sand toys and snacks and spending the afternoon at the beach.

Little Dude (ha) has turned 16 and now has his driver’s permit. So that’s fun.

Here is is obligatory picture with his Kit Kat Cake.

Total goob.

I finished off another year in the fabulous first grade, and am planning on teaching first grade again this coming year. I do have to move my classroom, which fills me with sadness and despair. This past year, we successfully hatched 11 live chicks at the end of May, and here it is August and I feel the need to boast to you all that all 11 are still alive.

!

Our school does this little “see-you-later-edu-gator” thing where teachers take pics with this small alligator for the kids to see what their teachers are up to over the summer. Here was my picture for my students on the day I moved them out of my kitchen and into the coop.

Glory!

And if you have ever had a brooder box in your kitchen, you too would be shouting glory.

Stand down, Chicken Police!

I know these little friends are too little to be out in the wide, wide world. I moved them to a coop within the coop complete with heat lamp and protection from sassy, big hens. If you must know.

Did I tell you all 11 are still alive?

Amazing.

Oh. Also, I turned 43. I was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean when that happened. More to come on that.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch . . .

One morning, we received a call from a neighbor that several cows were at their place, and lo and behold, we found out that our entire herd had escaped in the night.

Are you surprised?

David came home from work (!) and we hopped on the side by side to try and hunt them down, but they were long gone and being quite elusive. Eventually David had to go back to work, and so I found myself at the house with all the gates open wondering if the cows would just decide to saunter back home.

In the afternoon, I received a call from David that the neighbor had spotted the cows again and they weren’t too far away. David called me and gave me some very important instructions. And, Reader. I could tell in his voice he had little hope that I would be able to accomplish this task on my own. So, I did as I was asked and got the side by side ready to tow a big container of grain to try and lure the cows home. You know. Like the Pied Piper. And because I am me, I took a picture in case no one would believe me.

Here’s a fun fact. These aren’t even OUR actual cows. David took all my cows, including precious Ruby away to eat grass in a neighboring field. Kind of like summer camp for cows. And as part of some deal he has worked out with a dude, we are caring for these heifers and letting our bull breed them.

I know. Nothing over here makes sense. Please just accept it.

My point is, these heifers are much more wild and skiddish than our normal gals, so that is why it was so hard do locate and lure them.

Let’s move on with the story, shall we?

I approached the herd with caution and shook the bucket of grain in the most tantalizing and appetizing way I could think of. I believe I even tossed some grain into the wind hoping they would sniff it out. Well, those hungry heifers surely did notice me and my tempting grain, and wouldn’t you know it, I was able to trick them and lead them home.

I would like to announce that I, yes, I, Taylor Maliblahblah, got 28 heifers and one bull back to safety without the assistance of David or any of my offspring.

Do I consider myself a hero? Yes.

Will this prompt David to finally buy me that Number One Wife t-Shirt I so greatly deserve? Probably not.

David and I have now been married for 24 years, if you can believe that.

This picture is brought to you from the shores of Mazatlan, Mexico when we were on a trip with my entire side of the family. I shall discuss that trip in another post soon-ish. I hope.

Happy Thursday!